Kramer’s Blog

Random thoughts from an over-thinker…

Sneaky Farts and Poop Texts…. May 19, 2010

I texted my friend the other day just to tell her I’d pooped three times before noon because let’s face it, that’s pretty amazing. Her response was “That’s AWESOME! Congratulations”. I categorize my friends by whom I can talk about poop with and who I can’t. Don’t get me wrong, if we’re not the type of friends that can talk openly like that, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It means I probably just don’t know you quite well enough to test the waters of our friendship with a poop text yet. Give it time.  And if you’d prefer I never text you about things of that nature feel free to drop me a line and let me know. I’ll make a note of it and I’ll text you about things like the weather or the cute shoes I saw at the mall. That was a lie – if I ever text you about cute shoes at the mall please punch me in the vagina. I made the mistake of sending a poop related text to a friend a couple of weeks ago that apparently isn’t too keen on poop talk. I got a very uninterested and somewhat annoyed response. She’s now off the poop-text list, lesson learned. Everyone poops, there’s no avoiding it, there’s even a book about it. See ↓ There’s also a book about farts called “The Gas We Pass” and I own both of them. I think it’s funny that farts and poop are such taboo subjects, they’re just a part of life.

You ever witness a fart and the person farting has no idea you were there? Guy at work was in the break room pouring his coffee and did the leg-lift-fart move. Like he wanted to ease it out by adjusting his stance or something. Another co-worker was walking in and saw the whole thing go down and called him out. “Dude, did you just fart?!” …He says “Oops, guess that one snuck out on me”. SERIOUSLY?! It didn’t sneak out, you lifted your leg to let it out you moron! Of course the guy who witnessed the whole thing told one person, that person told 2 more people and within 20 minutes the entire office was laughing about the fart that snuck out. My nephew farts on my lap all the time and then he tries to deny it when I ask him why his butt stinks. “My butt don’t stink Aunt Daena”. Yes it does buddy, because there are just the two of us sitting here and I haven’t dropped any bombs in the past 3 minutes….besides, I felt the rumble on my leg.  “Seriously buddy, lay off the gas pedal”…He says “I didn’t puh-toot Aunt Daena! I’m seewious”. Whatever buddy, one day you’ll embrace your ability to clear a room with that rotten ass. For now he’s hell-bent on maintaining his innocence. What he should do is what my dog does – just lay there and let ’em rip then when someone comments on your stinky ass, just give them your best glare and smirk as you lay your head back on the ground like you own the place.

It seems there are a lot of things we’re not supposed to talk about because it’s rude or taboo. I typically fail those tests. Beating around the bush drives me bonkers. Of course I understand the difference between being rude and being honest and that there is a time and a place, I just hate conversations where you have to really watch what you say because it may fall on sensitive ears. There was a conversation in our sales meeting this morning about what “Pink Taco” means. We all know what the innuendo is but my boss corrected my coworker on the specifics when she said “Are you referring to the VAGINA?!” She said “technically, no, I’m not” so I said “It involves more of the clitoris….” It made me giggle because I love the look on people’s faces when they hear something they weren’t expecting. The guys in the room just shake their heads at us when we get out of line or say rediculous things like this. I think there’s always room for a little fun, especially in what are typically boring meetings. That’s a whole ‘nother blog in itself. Promise to remind me to blog about my thoughts on wasting time and having fun in the workplace. And I promise I’ll text you next time I poop three times before noon.

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The Funniest Joker and a Valentine’s Toker… January 22, 2010

Everyone is up in arms about all this Jay Leno – Conan O’Brien chaos. I think the whole situation is rediculous but I do have an official position on the issue. I’m “Team Conan”, as they say. For years I’ve been saying that no one can make me laugh like Conan O’Brien. The guy is just SILLY and his humor is so random. I mean, he’s got a masturbating bear and a rottweiler puppet that insults people with a cigar hanging out of his mouth. That’s comedy at it’s finest. I think I gave my thoughts on this in my blog a couple months ago about the mustache fights. Well, since then some things have changed. I still have strong opinions about Conan and that fact that he is hands down the funnier of the two, but there’s a new star player in the ballpark of my mind. It’s Ms. Chelsea Handler. When her show started on E! I didn’t give her much credit, mostly because I’d never heard of her. I thought “who’s this smartass nobody with her own show out of nowhere”? Not until recently have I started watching her show on a regular basis and I love her more and more everyday. This bitch is so quick-witted and sarcastic that she can go toe to toe with anyone that comes her way. One false move and she’ll rip you apart before you even knew what happened. I ENVY her comedic talent and her clever sarcasm. I officially want to be Chelsea Handler when I grow up.

I was trying to tell my mom how funny I thought Chelsea Handler was last night and she had no idea who I was talking about. I had to drop some knowledge on dat ass. Not really. I just steered the conversation in another direction because I didn’t want her to feel old for not knowing what the hell I was talking about. I took her to a movie and we saw “It’s Complicated” with Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin. I figured it was a safe movie to see with my mom and a friend of mine told me it was hilarious. Well, she was right. It was HILARIOUS. I’ve always thought Alec Baldwin was brilliant but I’ve never liked Meryl Streep until now. I had a smile on my face through the entire movie but mostly because my mom kept laughing hysterically. I also learned that my mom likes to do the movie play-by-play, which I thought was so cute. She’d say “Oh look Daena, he’s gonna fall off that step!” or “Oh my gosh they’re going to get caught smoking that joint!”. Awwww moms, I love ya. She laughed SO HARD at the scene when they were all high that I started to wonder if my moms is a closet toker. Totally kidding, my mom is an angel but as we were walking out I said “ya know mama, I’ve never smoked weed but that movie made me REALLY want to try it!” True story. She just giggled. Hmmmmm…

There was a preview for that movie called “Valentine’s Day” and it has like 17 huge names in it. That movie is going to have to gross like 824 Billion in its first week to break even from all the high-priced actors cast in it. But it looked really funny and like it covered every aspect of Valentine’s Day, not just the cheesy romantic perspective. You know what bugs me? When people try to act like they don’t care and say “every day should be Valentine’s Day” or “I don’t know why people make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day, it’s such a lame holiday”. You know who says those things…PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! If every day should be like Valentine’s Day then should we celebrate your birth every day? Should we drink beer and wear green every day? NO! That’s what makes it fun, doing something MORE or something out of the ordinary on Valentine’s Day for someone special or someone you love! Does your husband bring you long stem roses or make a pointed attempt at some creative romantic gesture to make you swoon on a daily basis!? If he does that shit everyday then you’ve hit the jackpot and I understand why you would have no reason to care about Valentine’s Day. I just hate hearing women that have someone to make them feel special and spend Valentine’s Day with say that  it’s a dumb holiday. Count your freaking blessings and ENJOY this excuse to be showered with love and affection for an extra day and do the same for your man. You also get the single chicks who try to act like they don’t care about Valentine’s Day because “it’s a commercialized holiday with no real meaning”. Whatever it takes to make ya feel better, honey. You know damn well that if you had a man you’d be soaking up all the holiday hype and loving every minute of it. Bitches is crazy, man. The moral of the story is, make the MOST of Valentine’s Day if you have someone to spend it with, don’t just complain about how lame it is. You’re lucky to have someone who is always by your side, so use Valentine’s Day as an extra opportunity to thank them for that. If you’re single, shower someone with love even if you’re not in a relationship. Sometimes giving love feels even better than receiving love. You’ll feel great and the holiday hopefully won’t bring you down just because you’re single.

I think I’ll shower my mama with love on Valentine’s Day. She deserves to feel lots of love because she’s always dishing it out. Maybe I’ll take her to see “Valentine’s Day” at the theater and we can get high together before the movie. Mom, if you’re reading this, I’m totally kidding. I don’t smoke the weeeeeed, I swear. And also mom, don’t tell me if you do read this because it’s just better if I go on thinking that you don’t even know I have a blog.

ps. nobody tell my moms I have a blog.

 

Endorphins and the puppy burrito…. October 11, 2009

Laughter produces endorphins. That’s a true statement, right? I really don’t feel like looking it up to verify it but I think I heard someone say that once so I’m going to subscribe to the theory. I had a laugh attack the other day while I was at my desk at work. Nothing crazy happened to spark it. No one even said anything funny to me or was laughing with me. I just saw a funny picture that someone posted on my facebook page and I started giggling at it, and as I kept staring at it I began laughing harder and harder to the point there were tears running down my face. I was so delirious from laughing so hard I felt like I needed a nap afterward. What could have been THAT funny? Here it is……

Little tiny puppy burrito.

Little tiny puppy burrito.

So the best part is…IT’S NOT THAT FUNNY!! Most people would think it’s cute. I didn’t really think it was so much cute as I just kept thinking how this poor sleeping puppy has been made into the most delicious meal ever, a burrito, and it looks so tiny in that giant hand and why is there a clear blue sky in the background??? And it’s SO small, like the size of a rat but it’s not a rat, it’s a puppy….a freaking hilarious puppy burrito. When I showed my coworker what I was laughing hysterically about, her only response was “You’re stupid”. She may be right.

When I was growing up I would get laugh attacks in church and that was the worst, mostly because there are a lot of quiet moments in church and you’re supposed to be all “proper”. I started sitting in the back near the door in case I got the giggles I could sneak out for a minute. I nearly got one in a staff meeting at work last week, too. I had to hold my breath and picture my coworkers naked to keep from bursting out in uncontrollable laughter. So awkward. But it FEELS SO GOOOOOOD to laugh uncontrollably. After the puppy burrito incident I found myself smiling all day. I was driving to get some lunch and I caught a glimpse in my rearview mirror of the most rediculous grin on my face. I looked like an idiot, but I felt crazy happy inside. ENDORPHINS.

What makes you feel crazy happy inside? Besides booze, because I know that’s probably what most of you would say. Booze makes me super happy and super chatty, but it’s not that euphoric type of happy I’m talking about. I’m talking about the “happy” that makes your heart race fast or gives you butterflies. For me it’s my nephews, live music, fireworks, uncontrollable laughter and In-n-Out Burger. Okay, that last one was a lie but I do feel moderate levels of euphoria while eating it. Some people get crazy happy from climbing mountains or jumping from planes. Other people get that feeling just from a creative expression or feelings of achievement. Others only find it when it comes from other people in their lives like their kids or their spouse.  I like learning what makes other people smile and I wish I could bottle it and serve it up as I see necessary because, if you ask me, there’s nothing better than making someone else happy. So when the Angels make it to the World Series in a few weeks, you can be sure I’ll be feeling that crazy, euphoric happy that I’m talking about and the endorphins will be flying….*wink*.

 

I appreciate irony and I love pouring rain… September 22, 2009

There have been a few things that I’ve given a lot of thought to lately. Well, more than a few things considering my wheels are always turning, but a few that keep resurfacing. The first thought that I keep having is that I’m really sad that I won’t be at my own funeral. Don’t laugh, I’m serious. If I had to imagine the most awesome party ever, it would be a room full of ALL of my friends from every corner and stage of my life talking, meeting and reminiscing about fun experiences we’ve shared. Except they’d probably be telling embarrassing stories about me that I made them promise NEVER to tell anyone so that part wouldn’t be so fun, but everything else would be awesome. At “the most awesome party ever” I imagine dancing with all my friends to some old school hip hop with a little Britney mixed in and maybe some Motown. There would be lots of Pirate’s Booty (only the most glorious shot ever), it would be catered by In-n-Out and my dog would be there too. Seriously. But ideally I’d be there, and maybe one day I can make that happen, but most likely it will only be at my funeral that ALL of my friends get to meet. So have fun folks, I’ll be jealous.

Ewwwww, grim huh? So the other thing I’ve been thinking is “be careful what you wish for”. I seem to be witnessing and experiencing a lot of irony lately and I, for one, can truly appreciate a good bit of irony. Ironically, I can’t think of any of the ironic moments that I’ve experienced lately but they will come to me later, I’m sure.

Until I remember the ironies (is that a word?), I’ll move on to the third thing that has been on my brain which is “when it rains, it pours” – an expression that I think makes very little sense but it gets my point across. When it rains it doesn’t ALWAYS pour, right? And ironically, I love it when it pours. <— Oooh, there was some irony. So anyway, it seems like I’m either swamped at work or it’s smooth sailing, never a happy medium. When I’m rediculously busy at work something will almost always come up outside of work that occupies my mind and I can’t seem to focus on work. But ironically I have Office ADD and I alwaysseem to have a hard time focusing at work so maybe that’s not a valid argument. <— more irony. And I invented the diagnosis of “Office ADD”, feel free to use it as you deem necessary. So why can’t God just have an equal rotation pouring on the stress and pressures in our lives? Is it to test our strength or simply make us stronger? Perhaps, but I don’t feel stronger I just feel more sleepy and I sit at my desk sometimes and imagine ways I could crawl under my desk to take a nap unnoticed. I really think I could pull it off, too, if I placed my chair properly and curled up real small, no one would see me. But they’d notice that the things were much quieter around there, that’s for sure. Then sometimes I imagine that my office is really just like the TV show “The Office” and I assign my coworkers to a character on the TV show and when they do something JUST like the person in The Office, I laugh quietly to myself. Actually sometimes I laugh out loud and make fun of them and say “You were just Dwight!” I’m confident that it’s wildly obnoxious and they all think I’m annoying, but I’m ok with that. My coworker, Laura, posted this on my facebook page last week and I think it’s pretty much dead on…

OfficeRetard

So Laura and I created the concept for “The RADIO Office” and it’s a hit TV show starring a handful of our co-workers and us. Anytime something bizarre or awkward happens at work we jot it down for the next episode. It’s pretty safe to say that I work with the most awesome group of people EVER. If you don’t watch The Office, this is probably confusing you and boring you to death at the same time. If you do watch The Office, stay tuned for our own edition of Parkour! in the Radio Office.

So I’ve completely lost my train of thought so I’ll end this blog here. If I remember any more ironies I’ll let you know but I’ll most likely just get distracted and take a nap under my desk instead. Thanks for listening. PARKOUR!

 

Call me out or feed me strawberries…. July 27, 2009

I have been very short tempered this past week. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. I am actually VERY patient when it comes to my temper, but I really don’t know how else to explain. Maybe the term “irritable” would be a better descriptor. Let’s roll with that…..I’ve been exceptionally IRRITABLE lately. I have no good excuse, so don’t even ask, however I have been making a pointed attempt at acknowledging my poor attitude and doing my best to keep from letting my mood affect those around me. Hasn’t worked like a charm, but I’ve noticed I’ve made some better choices lately than I typically would when I’m being grumpy or overly-emotional.

Seriously. What the hell am I talking about? After reading that paragraph I would have opted out of the rest of this blog. No one cares about my moods or how I deal with them. Eff that noise, I’ll move on to what I had originally intended on blogging about. Things that make me HAPPY. I’m going to keep this short and sweet and just list a few things that I dig. The whole point that I’ve been trying to make is that focusing on things that make me HAPPY have really helped me lose the bad attitude. So here goes…..

  • Fudge-cicles. I just discovered 90 calorie fudge-cicles at Costco and they’re so tasty delicious.
  • When I come downstairs to see Tayler lying on the couch and she’s in some retarded looking shape completely passed out as if she was drunk = Instant smile.
  • The 6-4-3 double-play….with authority.
  • When my sister calls me but I answer and it’s my nephew who says “Hi Aunt Daena”. 
  • Getting a compliment on the color of my toe nail polish
  • Being surprised or unexpectedly thought of with a simple text or invitation somewhere.
  • Fantasy Football is near….very near
  • Carl’s Jr. Commercials
  • Nailing a drum solo on Guitar Hero
  • Having an apple a day
  • Hilarious tweets
  • Having a friend call me on the phone and TELL me to vent. Now that’s a good friend.
  • Wednesday and Thursday mornings with the guys
  • Hazelnut creamer = Glorious.
  • Moral support
  • Direct TV gets installed this weekend with the NFL Package
  • Being called out on something- Yes, I like that….when it’s valid.
  • Street Sweeper Social Club
  • Being told I make the room smell better
  • Introducing friends to friends
  • Strawberries. Strawberries. Strawberries.
  • Having lunch with a friend and a real conversation
  • Angels Games
  • Wearing Pumas instead of heels on weekends
  • Thunder and lightning
  • And finally….LEARNING. Nothing has made me happier than the new and interesting things I’ve learned, learning from my mistakes and learning how to do new things. That feels good.

There you go. Next time I’m a bitch to you, go ahead and call me out on it and remind me of one of these happy things.

 

I’m uncool and offensive. Wanna be friends? June 16, 2009

I feel like I’ve been on vacation. Well, sort of. I haven’t really been on the internet for nearly two weeks and I kinda miss it. I’m on my computer ALL the time, but going online….not so much. I was proposed a bet almost 2 weeks ago by a friend of mine. It started out with him betting me $100 that I couldn’t go one day without tweeting. Actually, it started out when he decided to take a few shots of Jager. Things escalated and it ended up being a $500 bet that includes me not facebooking or tweeting for two weeks. Seriously?! I could go two weeks without food if I wanted to, don’t issue me a challenge. Ok…that was an exaggeration but there really is nothing that motivates me more than a challenge or someone doubting me. So anyway, I can look but I can’t touch and I’ll have to wait until Saturday to post this blog because it updates my facebook when I blog. Bummer. In reality, I have no interest in looking. I don’t really even “look” when I am actively tweeting or facebooking. I find BOTH of those sites to be information overload. If I really am curious about what someone’s status is then I’ll just go directly to their page. Same thing with twitter. I don’t follow many people and the majority of the people I do follow are random strangers that make me laugh. So if we’re friends and I don’t follow you, it’s nothing personal…it’s JUST TWITTER. I like you all better in real life anyway. And, yes, I am addressing this because I’ve gotten heat from a few friends that were offended that I don’t follow their tweets. I don’t take it that seriously, nor should you. Face to face communication is way more valuable, anyway.

Enough of that. I’ve felt a little bit compressed, for lack of a better term. I’ve really had almost no creative outlet for two weeks besides my usual verbal attacks and sarcastic remarks. Expressing my rude, sarcastic and/or witty updates online is much more satisfying that dishing out my sarcasm to just the sole intended reciepient. Luckily, this morning I got some reprieve by sharing some of my smart-ass opinions on the DAM Morning show. It was theraputic. That might be the gayest thing I’ve ever said. Let me explain….. they asked me to share the top 5 things that guys do in an attempt to look cool but actually look like douchebags doing, instead. The great thing is that it’s MY list so no one really has to agree. It’s not science, it’s just my insignificant opinion and you can call me a douche if you disagree. I’m cool with it. You want to know the top 5? Ok…….

5. Cat-calling. Is that supposed to be a compliment? If you get a girl to respond in your favor to your howls or cat calls, then you deserve each other. Keep up the good work.

4. Taking a photograph of yourself in front of your car OR even just photographing your car and posting it to MySpace or Facebook. Really?! It’s a car. It should never be photographed unless it’s a bonafide classic or has some significant custom upgrades and regardless, you don’t need to be in the picture. Your awesome car probably looks better without you next to it. There are exceptions to this rule, but this is my list and I choose not to list said exceptions at this time. But check out these gems….

See....LAME.

See....LAME.

This is CLEARLY an exception to the rule.

This is CLEARLY an exception to the rule.

3. Peeling out. I don’t care how fast your sweet ride is, you never look cool peeling out. You may think “check me out, ladies” but the ladies are thinking “what a douche”.

2. Talking about chicks you’ve banged or saying you only date younger chicks. Confiding in your buddy about your conquests is one thing, but commenting in public about every girl that walks by by saying “I’d hit it…or I nailed that chick”….LAME. No one thinks you’re cool, they think you’re gross.

1. Fighting. Guys NEVER look cool when they pick a fight to look tough. Even if you don’t pick the fight, you rarely look cool engaging in a pointless fight. In my opinion, a guy looks cool when he laughs at the dick who picks the fight and walks the other way. Exceptions apply to fights involving defending your mother or your significant other or fighting to defend yourself against a douchebag who initiates a fight with you in an attempt to look cool.

There were 12 things on my list but I narrowed it down to five to keep it short. Honorable mention goes to “wearing sunglasses indoors”, “unbuttoning your shirt past the first button so as to let your chesticles show”, “shouting or heckling obnoxiously at a sporting event”, and last, for my douchebag friends Dave and Mahoney, “calling people douchebags on the radio and rating them on a gay scale called the “douche doppler”. I’d tell you you’re not cool, but you already know that so I’ll just tell everyone else how uncool you are. 😉

So there you have it. I’ve already hurt some feelings by my stupid “uncool” list today but if you take offense to anything I say, get over it. My opinion is really unimportant in the scheme of things. And don’t be such a little girl. If you do things on that list I don’t like you any less, I just think you’re a little douchier than I did before. Feel free to let me know if you agree with me or if you have anything to add to that list. I’m always happy to hear from you.

 

Until my wheels stop turning…. May 9, 2009

Filed under: Humor,Random,Uncategorized — justkramer @ 4:22 pm

I wrote 3 blogs this week. I didn’t post them. Sorry about that, but they just weren’t worth reading so you should actually be thanking me. Well, thanks really aren’t in order unless you were required to read my blogs – you’re here by choice so I don’t deserve your gratitude. My mind has been wandering a lot lately and I constantly find myself deep in thought. Unfortunately it’s rarely about anything important or valuable, I tend to dwell on very trivial things. I feel like a two year old who says “how come” every two seconds, but instead of having to answer me, I debate with myself inside my head. I tend to think in terms of problem solving …if A + B = C then C – B = A. Except I don’t always know how to solve the problem and that drives me CRAZY. That’s when I decide to write. And I write and write and write until it makes sense. Hence the 3 unpublished blogs. So instead of dwelling on things I can’t answer, I’ll blog about things I do have the answers to.

I can answer every question in all of those facebook questionnaires because they’re about ME and my opinions. I did one of those “top 5” facebook apps and it was for “top 5 things I never leave the house without” and the other was “top 5 things I’m terrified of”. I thought they were fun because it will post a photo with your selections. I did one a few weeks ago for “my top 5 celebrity crushes” – clearly Justin was at the top of my list, but I realized this week that Josh Hartnett should have been second. He’s a tasty little treat who doesn’t get nearly enough recognition. I can’t bring myself to always answer those things 100% honestly but I like to have fun with it. Have you ever thought about what you are REALLY afraid of? What gives you anxiety? What you have nightmares about? Here are some things on my list….

  • Getting diarrhea while stuck in traffic or any inescapable situation
  • Walking out of the bathroom with my skirt tucked in the back of my underwear
  • Having one of those sneezes that pushes out a fart while I’m at work
  • Having B.O. and being the only one in the room who doesn’t realize it.
  • Not clicking “END” hard enough after leaving someone a voice mail and then proceeding to sing loud in the car like I always do and it being recorded on their voice mail for like 5 minutes.

Those are actual fears that I have, but they’re not really that “deep”. I think more about those things than serious fears like….

  • Losing a loved one
  • Failure
  • Disappointing people who are important to me
  • Tayler dying
  • Hurting someones feelings and not knowing it
  • being betrayed or abandoned

See? Not nearly as entertaining, but very valid fears none the less. As for 5 things I don’t leave the house with…

  • My Blackberry
  • Deodorant and perfume
  • My lightsaber
  • A rubber band around my wrist
  • Sexy Underwear

I was asking my friend, Lisa, about what things she won’t leave the house with and she said “my car keys”. I told her that was the dumbest answer I’ve ever heard. That’s like saying “my hair”. You can’t even leave with out your keys so it’s not really a choice. All she could come up with was “my iPhone” and if that’s the case then I envy her. I wish I didn’t have so many necessities throughout my day. I was obviously joking about having a lightsaber, but I have either deodorant or perfume in my purse 100% of the time – this directly relates to my fear of smelling bad. During our discussion, Lisa said to me “remember that time we were dancing at a club and you put on deodorant right in the middle of the dance floor?”. I had no memory of it, but I have no doubt in my mind that she’s telling the truth. This came from my friend who remembers EVERYTHING. I can see myself doing something like that if I got a whiff of B.O. while I was dancing. Even if it wasn’t me that smelled, I’d immediately do something to ensure that it didn’t BECOME me that smells bad. I always notice when someone smells pretty or if a guy smells sexy.  I like it when I hang out with a friend and the next day I can still smell their nice scent in my car. But imagine getting in your car and smelling someone else’s B.O. – not good and that memory will stay with you forever. I have a few friends that I can pinpoint their distinct scent, whether it’s natural or from their perfume. There’s a girl I know who leaves her scent EVERYWHERE she goes and it lingers for a long time. I can always tell where she’s been. It’s mind boggling to me every time I notice it. Lucky for her it’s a very pretty scent because if it wasn’t, it would be really shitty to leave a stink lingering for everyone to associate with you. Do me a favor, if I ever smell even *slightly* bad, tell me. I won’t be offended, I’ll give you a big hug – but only after I spray some perfume.

I can’t say that I always have sexy underwear on when I leave the house, but it’s safe to say it’s true 95% of the time. Well, at least they’re sexy in my opinion. Not that it matters because people don’t really ever see my underwear, but it makes me feel good knowing I’m wearing something sexy. As for the rubber band on my wrist…it’s for my hair. I don’t put my hair in a ponytail everyday, but I hate not having the option. The only thing I forgot to include in that list was my square ring on my left hand middle finger. When I was 18 I had gotten a $100 gift card to Nordstrom for my birthday. I remember I bought a couple shirts and had about $20 left to spend. I was at the register and there was a tray of silver rings sitting there. I looked through and found the most simple one and it actually fit me – I have big fingers for a girl. It was $18 bucks so I bought it. I have worn it nearly every day since then. It’s not fancy, but in 12 years it’s never tarnished and it’s still shiny with just a little wear around the edges. I feel like it’s part of me, as stupid as that might sound. I hate the way I feel if I’m not wearing it.

Those are the things I have the answer to and I feel better letting it all out. I know I’ll never have all the answers that I want and there will always be situations and people in my life that are impossible to understand. I can’t change that and I can’t change other people. I can just be me and focus on what I can control and keep blogging until my wheels stop turning. Don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon, so stay tuned for more of my pointless blogs . As my nephew Cody always says “Peace out, yo!”.