Kramer’s Blog

Random thoughts from an over-thinker…

I Had Effed Up Hair But Now I Have This Awesome Knife… March 25, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — justkramer @ 10:04 pm

I was staring at this smart car today and I was 100% positive that I could flip it over all by myself. Maybe not like a 180 so it was upside down, but I could definitely flip it on its side. I might need some insane shot of adrenaline, but probably just a good stretch first. You could do it too, I have faith in you. I picture all of us standing in some parking lot taking turns flipping this smart car over and over and over and we CHEER, scream and applaud each other with each flip of the teeny tiny smart car. I’m standing on top of the dented, mangled, scratched up lil’ car with my hands on my hips and a big cheesy grin on my face and a feeling of accomplishment. Can you picture it? 

Ok, back to reality. I’ll never get to flip over a car, but I can dream about it. I never really want to try, either, because I’d be real sad if I tried to flip it and I couldn’t even make it budge. I’d hate to ruin my fantasy. When I was a kid I would do stuff like that all the time. I thought everything looked SO EASY and I would always say “let me try” when my sisters were having a hard time with something or if I saw another kid do some cool trick on their skateboard. Yes, I said skateboard. I rode my skateboard everyday from age 6 to 10 and I was pretty good FOR A GIRL. But I would see some kid do a kick flip and get like 3 feet off the ground and I’d try it and end up with my face in the concrete and my board 5 feet in the air. Not as easy as it looked. I was riding across an intersection on my skateboard and two boys in front of me both jumped right up on to the curb and kept riding. I reached the curb and tried to ollie onto the sidewalk and the nose of my board hit the curb and it shot back into the street and a car ran over it. I felt like such a dumbass. Having a rediculous haircut didn’t help how stupid I looked walking home with a broken skateboard under my arm. Another time when I was really little…like 6 years old, I was riding my bike around the yard at my moms work.  There was this big pile of gravel in the middle of an empty lot and it was about 4 feet high. To me it didn’t look like a pile of gravel, it looked like the most awesome bike jump I’d ever seen. I circled around and started peddling as fast as I could and imagined how far I’d launch in the air when I hit this ramp….I realized very quickly that it wasn’t ACTUALLY a ramp. I hit the pile of gravel and my front tire sunk into the rocks and I went flying over the handle bars. I landed head first into the gravel and both of my hands dug into the concrete as I fell to the ground. I had scratches all over my face and my mom had to pick rocks out of my palms for days. I’m sure my effed up haircut made that whole encounter look even more pathetic, too.  If you haven’t figured it out, I had effed up hair for pretty much my entire childhood. 

I don’t know why I thought things looked so easy. I’d see something and think “I can do that”. Sadly, 99% of the time I couldn’t and I’d get hurt trying. But I do remember vividly the first time I saw something and thought “I can do that” and I actually COULD do it was the best feeling ever. I saw some guy drawing a picture of these tigers at the Zoo. He had charcoals or something and was sketching them perfectly. We each got to pick out a souvenir as we left the zoo and I bought this book about tigers. I got home and immediately got some paper and a pencil and started trying to figure out how to draw the picture of the tiger on the cover. I did it and it turned out pretty good. I figured out how to hold the pencil and how hard to press for different shading so I decided to draw it again, but this time I asked my mom if I could get my own sketch book to draw it in. So we went and got me a book with blank paper and I started drawing away. It made me feel so satisfied and happy to see something done and be able to do it myself. I just spent about a half hour looking for my old sketch book so I could take a picture of the tiger I drew but I couldn’t find it. BUT….I did find this awesome knife. I don’t know where it came from but it was in my “memorabilia box” and I feel like I just found a hidden treasure. It’s not going back, it’s staying with me from now on because HOW AWESOME IS THIS KNIFE?! 

I will cutchoo.


Hang gliding looks really easy. I bet it isn’t. The Dog Whisperer makes training a dog look easy. That guy must be part labrador because I tried his shit and my dog gives me the middle finger. It’s not easy. I still always say “let me try” when I see someone struggling to figure something out. Some people call me competitive but that’s not exactly the case. I don’t like competing with other people and I actually don’t like beating other people at things. I like challenging myself in as many ways as I can and seeing if I can surpass my own expectations and reach my own goals regardless of what other people can do. Some people call that selfish. And to that I say, you people are dumb and I could probably kick your ass at drawing pictures of tigers.


3 Responses to “I Had Effed Up Hair But Now I Have This Awesome Knife…”

  1. John Says:

    It IS a pretty sweet knife…….

  2. Charles Says:

    When I see those SMART cars, I don’t think about flippin them, although that would be fun. There could be like a “Worlds Strongest Person” competition, but for non body building people. Instead of pulling planes, and moving huge friggin rocks, we could flip small cars, and pull small planes. But what I think about when I see those cars is that if they get into an accident, they are going to be jacked up forever. Do you ever see accidents where the car is all accordian? if a SMART car gets hit, the car is going to land inside another car. There’s nothing to it.
    That knife is bad-ass. Can you imagine if that could be your comfort item on Survivor? Picture it, they are ready to vote your ass off. Suddenly, you pull the knife out and say—-Who’s goin home Jeff Probst??? I don’t think violence is the way to win 1 million, but a threat now and then cant hurt.
    Oh, and I can’t draw for shit and can’t skateboard either!

  3. Kevin Says:

    I gotta say, I stumbled upon your blog through a mutual friend on facebook and found myself enthralled with your story and sense of humor. Thank you. Yes, that knife is awesome but, your explanation of why you try new things was better. I can totally relate. Well said.

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