Kramer’s Blog

Random thoughts from an over-thinker…

Mustache fights and late night silliness… November 20, 2009

I’m starting completely over. I got way too deep in thought in my previous attempt at this blog and I annoyed myself. I started rambling about emotional thresholds in terms of extreme happiness and levels of excitement and disappointment. After two paragraphs I stopped to watch Conan for a minute and when I got back on track writing, I realized I sounded like a total douche. Speaking of Conan….. are you a Conan, Leno or Letterman fan? There HAS to be one of the three that stands out in your mind. You didn’t ask, but I’ll tell you that I’m a Conan fan. That guy just makes me laugh, plain and simple. Leno is funny sometimes, but he seems SO scripted and “mapped out” for lack of a better term. There’s no spontaneity to his comedy, interviews or his show in general. Letterman gets me laughing pretty good sometimes but if I’m being honest, my favorite thing about Dave is his gap. I find a front tooth gap very endearing and I give him a little extra credit for it. He does a good interview, though, and he’s not afraid to make fun of his guests or go in an entirely different direction on the spur of the moment. But Conan….he’s just GOOFY! He takes his job seriously but he doesn’t seem to take himself seriously and I dig that. He makes fun of himself all the time and he addresses awkward situations head on instead of trying to change the subject or put on a polished show. He’s got balls and he is really good at sarcasm, which is like a second language to me. And mostly I like his dance where he looks like a puppet on strings. So silly, that guy!

I’ve been sitting here so long that Jimmy Fallon just came on and he’s awesome, but I feel bad for him because he’s like the ugly stepchild of late night television. Kinda funny sometimes….but quirky and cute….but just doesn’t execute his writers jokes very effectively. It’s like he’s reading a tweet out loud. Have you ever read a tweet to someone because you thought it was hilarious and you’re met with a blank stare? I’m a firm believer that tweets are usually only funny when you READ them, not when you speak them. BUT OH MY GOD HE JUST ANNOUNCED THAT TAYLOR LAUTNER IS HIS GUEST TONIGHT!! I’m into Twilight and I read all 4 books but I’m not going CrAzY about the movie coming out tomorrow. Granted, I’m seeing it tomorrow, but if I was forced to wait 2 weeks to see it I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. However….I’ve taken a liking to Taylor Lautner who plays “Jacob” in the Twilight Series. I could care less about “Team Jacob” or “Team Edward” because I’m not that into it. But Taylor Lautner is a tasty little treat but I was recently informed that he’s only 17!! That changes everything and eliminates the possibility of fantasizing about him, but he’s still good eye candy. More so than Robert Pattinson, anyway. I refuse to engage in any debate on my stance with a Twilight fan mostly because I HATE debates, but also because I think arguments like that are so annoying. To each his own, as I always say.

But I’ve got to hand it to Fallon right now because he’s got a feature on called “UMF” – The Ultimate Mustache Fighter! Here’s a little taste of the awesome dialogue for you… “The ring’s not big enough for these brutally bushy beasts, these hairy heathens, these whiskered warriors!…. Defending Champion Wilford Brimley takes on the ferocious fake fuzz of Gene Shalit for Stache’ Bash III. “There’s no love lost between these two mustaches, Barry!!” There are two ginormous mustaches going head to head in the octagon to grind it out. Check out these awesome graphics…..

Jimmy Fallon's UMF FeatureGeraldo Rivera vs. Wilford Brimley

Geraldo Rivera vs. Wilford Brimley














 You get the picture of how AWESOME this is?! I laughed my ass off at these two giant mustaches trying to beat each other up. But if you know me, you know I have a certain fascination for mustaches. Oddly enough, I don’t find them attractive on men but I do enjoy the unique appeal of a glorious mustache, you know? Something about them just makes me giggle, especially if it’s fake or drawn on with a sharpie. Let me show you what I’m talking about…… 

Badass stache

I sported this mustache at a baby shower. Pretty good, eh?! Ok…I’m done talking about fantastic mustaches but let me warn you….if we go out drinking, do not pass out before me. I’ll never be too old to draw a mustache on your face while you sleep. At least I admit it. But it’s time for me to wrap this up because Taylor Lautner just came on Fallon and I’m so very interested to hear what he has to say. And by that I mean I want to just sit here and imagine him naked. I’m kidding folks!! HE’S ONLY 17!!



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