I wrote 3 blogs this week. I didn’t post them. Sorry about that, but they just weren’t worth reading so you should actually be thanking me. Well, thanks really aren’t in order unless you were required to read my blogs – you’re here by choice so I don’t deserve your gratitude. My mind has been wandering a lot lately and I constantly find myself deep in thought. Unfortunately it’s rarely about anything important or valuable, I tend to dwell on very trivial things. I feel like a two year old who says “how come” every two seconds, but instead of having to answer me, I debate with myself inside my head. I tend to think in terms of problem solving …if A + B = C then C – B = A. Except I don’t always know how to solve the problem and that drives me CRAZY. That’s when I decide to write. And I write and write and write until it makes sense. Hence the 3 unpublished blogs. So instead of dwelling on things I can’t answer, I’ll blog about things I do have the answers to.
I can answer every question in all of those facebook questionnaires because they’re about ME and my opinions. I did one of those “top 5” facebook apps and it was for “top 5 things I never leave the house without” and the other was “top 5 things I’m terrified of”. I thought they were fun because it will post a photo with your selections. I did one a few weeks ago for “my top 5 celebrity crushes” – clearly Justin was at the top of my list, but I realized this week that Josh Hartnett should have been second. He’s a tasty little treat who doesn’t get nearly enough recognition. I can’t bring myself to always answer those things 100% honestly but I like to have fun with it. Have you ever thought about what you are REALLY afraid of? What gives you anxiety? What you have nightmares about? Here are some things on my list….
- Getting diarrhea while stuck in traffic or any inescapable situation
- Walking out of the bathroom with my skirt tucked in the back of my underwear
- Having one of those sneezes that pushes out a fart while I’m at work
- Having B.O. and being the only one in the room who doesn’t realize it.
- Not clicking “END” hard enough after leaving someone a voice mail and then proceeding to sing loud in the car like I always do and it being recorded on their voice mail for like 5 minutes.
Those are actual fears that I have, but they’re not really that “deep”. I think more about those things than serious fears like….
- Losing a loved one
- Disappointing people who are important to me
- Tayler dying
- Hurting someones feelings and not knowing it
- being betrayed or abandoned
See? Not nearly as entertaining, but very valid fears none the less. As for 5 things I don’t leave the house with…
- My Blackberry
- Deodorant and perfume
- My lightsaber
- A rubber band around my wrist
- Sexy Underwear
I was asking my friend, Lisa, about what things she won’t leave the house with and she said “my car keys”. I told her that was the dumbest answer I’ve ever heard. That’s like saying “my hair”. You can’t even leave with out your keys so it’s not really a choice. All she could come up with was “my iPhone” and if that’s the case then I envy her. I wish I didn’t have so many necessities throughout my day. I was obviously joking about having a lightsaber, but I have either deodorant or perfume in my purse 100% of the time – this directly relates to my fear of smelling bad. During our discussion, Lisa said to me “remember that time we were dancing at a club and you put on deodorant right in the middle of the dance floor?”. I had no memory of it, but I have no doubt in my mind that she’s telling the truth. This came from my friend who remembers EVERYTHING. I can see myself doing something like that if I got a whiff of B.O. while I was dancing. Even if it wasn’t me that smelled, I’d immediately do something to ensure that it didn’t BECOME me that smells bad. I always notice when someone smells pretty or if a guy smells sexy. I like it when I hang out with a friend and the next day I can still smell their nice scent in my car. But imagine getting in your car and smelling someone else’s B.O. – not good and that memory will stay with you forever. I have a few friends that I can pinpoint their distinct scent, whether it’s natural or from their perfume. There’s a girl I know who leaves her scent EVERYWHERE she goes and it lingers for a long time. I can always tell where she’s been. It’s mind boggling to me every time I notice it. Lucky for her it’s a very pretty scent because if it wasn’t, it would be really shitty to leave a stink lingering for everyone to associate with you. Do me a favor, if I ever smell even *slightly* bad, tell me. I won’t be offended, I’ll give you a big hug – but only after I spray some perfume.
I can’t say that I always have sexy underwear on when I leave the house, but it’s safe to say it’s true 95% of the time. Well, at least they’re sexy in my opinion. Not that it matters because people don’t really ever see my underwear, but it makes me feel good knowing I’m wearing something sexy. As for the rubber band on my wrist…it’s for my hair. I don’t put my hair in a ponytail everyday, but I hate not having the option. The only thing I forgot to include in that list was my square ring on my left hand middle finger. When I was 18 I had gotten a $100 gift card to Nordstrom for my birthday. I remember I bought a couple shirts and had about $20 left to spend. I was at the register and there was a tray of silver rings sitting there. I looked through and found the most simple one and it actually fit me – I have big fingers for a girl. It was $18 bucks so I bought it. I have worn it nearly every day since then. It’s not fancy, but in 12 years it’s never tarnished and it’s still shiny with just a little wear around the edges. I feel like it’s part of me, as stupid as that might sound. I hate the way I feel if I’m not wearing it.
Those are the things I have the answer to and I feel better letting it all out. I know I’ll never have all the answers that I want and there will always be situations and people in my life that are impossible to understand. I can’t change that and I can’t change other people. I can just be me and focus on what I can control and keep blogging until my wheels stop turning. Don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon, so stay tuned for more of my pointless blogs . As my nephew Cody always says “Peace out, yo!”.