Lloyd Dobler is standing outside Diane Court’s window holding up his stereo playing “Your Eyes” in a valiant attempt to touch her heart and make her feel how much he loves her so she’ll come running back to his arms. It’s on Encore right now. Unfortunately the only movie channels I get are Encore, but the good news is that they usually play the best cheesy classics, like Say Anything. Yesterday I watched Dirty Dancing and before that Pretty Woman, and I have strong opinions on Jennifer Grey’s role in Dirty Dancing, but I’ll save that for another blog. So as I watch this dramatic scene for the 43rd time, it makes me think….does anyone really have the heart to put themselves out there so selflessly anymore? Do guys really ever do stuff like that? This isn’t a slam on chivalry or insensitive guys, because I think girls should make the same efforts but I don’t know if people really have the gumption to put their balls out there like that. Yes, I said balls – I utilize any opportunity to work “balls” into conversation. People should have more balls and go for it if something really means a lot to them. This might help you understand how I got the nickname “krameballs”.
Now, I’m single right now so I don’t have any recent stories of romance or thoughtful things that my boyfriend does for me when he screws up or wants to make me happy. But I do have a roommate who does amazingly thoughtful things for me. She leaves nice notes around the house, special cards and treats on every holiday and she brings me home presents and surprises from time to time. It’s like I have a boyfriend, but we don’t make out. Sometimes we spoon, though. I had a boyfriend a long time ago that was great at valiant efforts and bold gestures. For example, one time I came home to a trail of rose pedals leading into the living room where they were spread out EVERYWHERE covering the couch and he had made a fort in the middle of the room, you know, like you did when you were a kid with blankets and sofa cushions. There were candles flickering all over and my favorite CD playing on the stereo. It wasn’t an effort to “win me back” from anything, just a thoughtful expression of his feelings. Impressive, to say the least, but if I told any of his buddies I bet they would have made fun of him for days. I was really spoiled and I wonder if I’ll ever consider anything less than “grand gestures” romantic because the bar was set so high so many years ago. I guess there are many different interpretations of romance; everyone’s perspective could be different. The absolute most romantic thing that has ever been done for me was coming home to find a card taped to my door. Inside were a nice note and two tickets to a Padres game. The card said that we were leaving for San Diego in 2 hours and going to the Pads game and staying in SD for the weekend. No flowers, no wine, no sweet nothings. Whisk me away for a weekend of baseball and the beach and I’m yours – that’s my kind of romance, make a note of it.
Since I don’t have a boyfriend, I try to spread my love on my friends as often as I can. I do have some of the most amazing friends. Sometimes I wonder if you do certain things so often do they become expected rather than appreciated or if true intentions are even acknowledged. Sometimes words just aren’t enough or they lose their value, and I always think actions speak louder than words. But what do you do when your words and your actions don’t seem to make a difference? People become numb so easily; myself included. Does the romance always die over time or is there a secret to keep things fresh and exciting? I don’t hear a lot of romantic stories from my friends that have boyfriends or husbands lately. Maybe they just don’t share everything with me, but I do hear some of their stories and they are unimpressive, to say the least. That’s not just from MY perspective, but from theirs as well. Maybe your opinion of romance changes once you’re married and again when you have kids. Perhaps romance is when daddy offers to take over diaper duty for the night. Or if mommy tells daddy he can go out for beers with the guys while she stays home with the kids. I dunno. Everyone says things change when you have kids or get married, but WHY? I guess if it’s change you WANT then there is nothing wrong with it, but I hear so many of my married friends complain about not being able to ever go out and have any fun with their friends, and if they do they have to check in every hour or so. Do you lose your independence or identity when you get married? If so, then I’m never getting hitched. I just don’t get that stuff, but if other people like it that way, then it’s not for me to judge. Maybe you should tell me how it is. Are you married? In a relationship? Have kids? Does your significant other allow you to go out for the night without calling every hour and without giving you a curfew? Do you prefer having rules and guidelines since you’re married? I have one buddy who is married and he lets his wife go out with the girls and he watches the baby all night. No questions asked, no curfew, no rules and no calls necessary. He actually encourages her to go out and have fun and not worry about him or the baby and she does the same. Other times they go out together with friends and bring the baby along. I love that. They both work full time and have a kid but they are both very independent, too. When I imagine being married and having a kid, I don’t imagine becoming tied down with rules and having to ask permission. I expect mutual respect, consideration and communication. It’s give and take, but not rules and having to ask permission to go places.
I really don’t know what sparked this topic because I’m not in any situation where romance or rules are an issue. I guess I just watched Say Anything and the sequence of events and I wondered what happened after they got to Europe. Did they remain blissful and openly honest with each other? Did she start school and leave Lloyd feeling lonely and under-appreciated. Maybe they moved back to the US years later and got married only to have 2 kids and get divorced because Diane was having an affair with their pool man. Ya’ never know because things change. Its amazing how certain you think you are of someone and then something changes and suddenly forever turns in to never again. Are you depressed now? Sorry about that. I actually think that Lloyd and Diane moved to Europe and got married under the Eiffel Tower on a beautiful spring day. They moved back to the US after she graduated and have lived for the past 20 years in Sun Valley Idaho with their 2 kids, their dog named Buddy and they are the perfect picture of love, loyalty and the American dream. Feel better now? Good.
Tell me a story. Tell me your amazing gestures of romance and love. Tell me how someone won you back. Tell me how awesome your marriage is and how life changes in the best way when you have kids. Or tell me what sucks. Tell me that you hate being married or in a relationship. Tell me the obstacles you face that you never thought possible. How have you been disappointed or screwed over in a relationship? Tell me all of it, good or bad, I truly want to know. If you don’t want to leave a comment, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. And I won’t tell anyone, I promise.