Kramer’s Blog

Random thoughts from an over-thinker…

Confessions…. March 11, 2009

Filed under: Humor — justkramer @ 11:07 pm

Ooooh. That sounds SO dramatic, huh. Like I’m going to reveal my innermost secrets and my deepest desires. Not a chance. Well, maybe there’s a chance, but it’s not likely. I’m 100% dead sober so the confessions will be trivial in comparison to what I would confess if I was three sheets to the wind. Last weekend I got home a little tipsy and started writing a blog. I got too tired after 3 paragraphs and decided to go to sleep instead. I read it the next morning and realized two things….I should NEVER blog drunk and I repeat myself when I’m drunk. Paragraph 1 and 3 were nearly identical but just worded differently. I got to laugh at myself and that’s always fun. I reveal way too much when I drink. It can be really incriminating.

So, confessions…. I think that I have a lot of things I do that are kind of embarrassing. Actually, I’m not very easily embarrassed so I guess I have a lot of things that other people would be embarrassed for me about. Does that make sense? For example, I have dreams about Britney Spears. Not A dream but multiple. Yeah, it started when I was like 19. I had a dream one night that my friend, Lisa, had Britney’s home phone number and that she only lived a few miles away. So I called the number and her mom answered. I convinced her mom that Britney and I were friends so she’d take my call.  I had a five minute conversation with her in my dream before she said she had to go. But she said she’d call me back. That was nice of her, huh.  The dreams happen about once or twice a year and it’s almost like we pick up where we left off. The second dream I had, she did call me back and invited me over to her house since we lived so close to each other. We made smoothies and crank called Justin Timberlake and giggled like best friends do. It was a glorious dream. And, to sum it all up, in the most recent dream I had about a week ago, I met up with her on her tour and she showed me around the stage and all of her costumes. She had on the cutest jeans and when I complimented her she gave them to me. Yep, she changed into another pair of jeans and gave me the cute ones she was wearing. The only way I realized I was dreaming was because I put on the jeans and they fit me like a glove. Man, this turned into a really long confession and I probably look like a psycho Britney fan. I do love that Britney, but I would never even go up to her if I saw her out somewhere. I kinda feel like we’re already friends so I wouldn’t want to look like a crazy fan. She’d probably put me into a whole other category and I like this thing we’ve got going.

I think about my death at least once a day. I don’t think that I WANT to die once a day, I’m not that morbid, but I think about “what if” a few times a day on average. Maybe that’s not a confession if everyone thinks about their death everyday, but in my mind it’s abnormal. In a lot of situations I think, what would happen if I died right now? Today at work I ran through my mind all of the orders that would get screwed up or all of my clients that would probably get screwed if I died at that very moment. LOL. I think sometimes that I should make a list of upcoming tasks just in case I did randomly kick the bucket. I’d really hate for everyone to be inconvenienced. Other times, when I think about the people in my life, I think about how I’d want them to remember me if I died. So I’ll think of nice things to do or say to them to make them happy or to give them a laugh. I want them to remember me with a smile when I die. And I could choke on my dinner at home and that would be it. So I obsess over making sure people are smiling and things get done after I die. Funny thing is, I have no fear of death. Weird? Perhaps. I just hope it’s not too painful if and when it happens. And it will eventually.

Alright, are you depressed now? I’ll confess something a little more funny. Let me think…..GOT IT!! One time when I was about 18 I had flowers sent to me to work to impress a boy. Seriously. It was actually more to make him jealous than impress him but I don’t think it did either of the two. It was really lame, too. I had a friend help me out with it and she picked out this stupid glass swan that had roses sticking out of the neck. They called me up front because I had a delivery and I picked it up like I was completely shocked. My friend even filled out the little card and it said something gay like “I think you’re beautiful -Love, Your secret admirer”. Of course everyone asked who it was from and I just shrugged my shoulders and had a little blush and told them “My secret admirer sent it to me” with a little giggle. What a douchebag I was. The guy even asked me about the flowers but he seemed really excited for me when I told him. Backfire! He was supposed to look insanely jealous or impressed. That’ll teach me.

Well, I guess those weren’t really BIG confessions, but like I told you…I’m sober. I’ll add a few more trivial confessions for good measure.

– Sometimes I flex in the mirror when I get home from the gym or if I feel skinny in the morning. I’m never impressed.

– I discriminate against people based on brands that I discriminate against. And most of the time I have no good reason not to like them.  Basically, if you’re wearing Sketchers, I think you’re a nerd. And Ed Hardy, too. Not as much of a nerd, but kinda douchey none the less.

– I’ve never done a drug a day in my life but sometimes I wish I had.

And finally, I really, REALLY like to hock loogies. Is that how you spell loogies? And I’m really good at it, too. The man I marry is going to have to be able to deal with that. It’s so un-ladylike.

I feel so much better now that we’ve had this talk. Thanks!


4 Responses to “Confessions….”

  1. Soupy Says:

    Haha, I love embarrassing stories. I used to dream that Bernie Mac lived in this kind of run down neighborhood around the corner, and all the kids used to hang at his house, but I was his favorite. We would just hang out and bullshit and of course I would try to make him laugh. I was really upset when he died, and I think it was because of our dream “relationship”

  2. Kelly Says:

    Awesome! Say three hail Mary’s and carry on, my child.
    I wish I could hock loogies. That’d be cool. 🙂

  3. Jenny Says:

    I’m glad I found this blog!

    I was literally laughing out loud while at work. My boss probably thinks I’m a freak now! 🙂

    If you think your Britney dream was bad … I had a dream that I was dating Eminem and got into a huge fight because we were out at a club one night and his ex wife, Kim, came up to him and was all acting like they were together so I got mad and just left because I thought he was cheating on me with her. But guess what, I was pregnant with twins too!

    He followed me out of the club and told me I was the only one for him and blah blah blah and we went off and lived our merry little lives….

    The kicker to this story: I don’t really even like Eminem. I find some of his songs catchy but I don’t find him super talent nor super hot! I woke up embarassed and now every time I hear his songs on the radio I blush.

    • justkramer Says:

      That’s hilarious. Thanks for reading my blog and for commenting! 🙂
      Ironically, I’m a huge Britney fan – have been since day one. It’s like my guilty pleasure. I don’t have posters of her on my wall or anything but sometimes I pretend we’re best friends. Kidding….sort of. LOL. I’ll check out your blog, too.

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